Breaking the habit
by kittycat1810
Summary: Robin is not well. Physically he is fine, but mentally... not so much. ROBIN ALL THE WAY!
1. Breaking The Habit

I love Robin! But, I do feel that he plays at being happy all the time. Hopefully there will be many songfics for Robin and if requested, for others as well.

**Memories consume  
>Like opening the wound<br>I'm picking me apart again**

He saw them fall. He saw a little girl murdered by the Joker. He saw his teammates dying in the failed training exercise. He saw Batman- no Bruce; no, Dad- being blasted by the aliens. He saw himself losing his second family. He felt himself falling apart inside, but forced a smile on his face. Truthfully he didn't think anyone could tell he was faking.

"Rob, you okay?" Artemis asked looking at him.

"Totally asterous" _not_ I'm falling apart. I'm hurt; I'm mad; I'm scared; I want someone to notice. But she didn't. She just walked away.**  
>You all assume<br>I'm safe here in my room  
>Unless I try to start again<br>**They thought he couldn't get hurt at the mountain. Bruce thought he couldn't get hurt at home. Heck, the team and the JL probably thought he couldn't get hurt. They didn't expect him to hurt, to feel pain, to _fail._ He knew he would, because he had before. He had the scars to prove it. Even now, some of the old injuries would hurt to the point where he would see spots, seconds away from blacking out, but he always ignored it. Why? Because he couldn't let anything affect him. It didn't matter.**  
>I don't want to be the one<br>The battles always choose  
>'Cause inside I realize<br>That I'm the one confused  
><strong>He hated how everyone brought him their problems; how everyone expected him to always know what to do. He was thirteen for Christ's sake. He knew other's didn't see what he saw in himself: a circus freak, a charity case, a burden, a little kid playing dress up, an insignificant hindrance to the team. He always felt so lost.**  
>I don't know what's worth fighting for<br>Or why I have to scream.  
>I don't know why I instigate<br>And say what I don't mean.**

He wasn't sure if saving Gothamites was worth it. Many times he would save someone, only to throw them in jail a week later. So many times he wished he could scream, but knew he couldn't. He couldn't let anyone down. They all expected him to stay calm and take the world's weight with no problems. He didn't know why he brought up his own strengths and times that he did well. It didn't help him at all. He always said that he'd do whatever, but he never wanted to. He always said that he knew he'd be fine, but he lied. He rarely thought he'd be able to be fine.**  
>I don't know how I got this way<br>I know it's not alright.  
>So I'm breaking the habit,<br>I'm breaking the habit  
>Tonight<br>**He had no idea how he began to keep everything inside. How he became so depressed. How he became so lost. He wouldn't do it anymore. He would tell everyone how he felt. He'd tell them that he was just a kid, a un-superpowered kid. An orphan. A burden.**  
>Clutching my cure<br>I tightly lock the door  
>I try to catch my breath again<br>I hurt much more  
>Than anytime before<br>I had no options left again  
><strong>He grasped the blade close to him as he wrote on his arms. _Freak Brat Blunder Human Burden Worthless_. The words had strike-throughs. Straight lines littered his arms. He hacked the door and put it, and only it, on lockdown. No one could get in. It was right after the training mission (Failsafe) and he breathed. Yes Batman trained him hard, but Batman knew Robin was afraid to see another family member die. It hurt _so much_. He sliced his arm open with the blade and dipped his other hand's fingers into the blood, after dropping the blade. It hadn't bled that much before.**  
>I'll paint it on the walls<br>'Cause I'm the one that falls  
>I'll never fight again<br>And this is how it ends  
><strong>Using his blood he wrote the words on his walls. The same ones carved into his arm. Blood was spilling everywhere. He thought he heard Superboy saying down the hall the Robin's heartbeat was weird. That his breathing was hard and that he heard dripping and water hitting the floor. Inside Robin knew that by stopping the others from falling, from panicking, from bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders, was slowly killing him. He knew that not even Batman could save him from this enemy: _himself_.**  
>But now I have some clarity<br>to show you what I mean  
>I don't know how I got this way<br>I'll never be alright**

Maybe he was beginning to understand. He needed to get some of it out. Maybe all he needed was someone he could talk to and who wouldn't care if he cried. He just needed _ somebody_. He wouldn't be alright unless he changed. Suddenly Superboy broke down the door and spinning around Robin saw the whole team, and Black Canary in the background. They looked shocked and he couldn't blame them, there was blood everywhere.**  
>So, I'm breaking the habit<br>I'm breaking the habit  
>I'm breaking the habit<br>Tonight **

"Guys, I need to talk to you" Robin said looking haunted.

Well I hope you liked it! Pleaze review but be warned, normal updates are rare things with me. I will try and more reviews make me write faster!


	2. Numb

**Okay, next is Numb by Linkin Park. I do not own anything. Not much of a continuation, but I might rearrange chapters later so it is a continuation. Thanks for the reviews FuzzyBee013 and yorkiepudding!**

**I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
>Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface<strong>

Robin was drowning. He was exhausted. Everyone expected him to be perfect, to do everything exactly right. He was expected to be happy, and never be fazed. He was tired of it. He felt so much like he was…just… betraying them for not being what they expected. He was drowning in his emotions, his darker side that he kept hidden; that he never wanted to let out.**  
>Don't know what you're expecting of me<br>Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes**

He had no idea what Batman expected, or the team, or Black Canary, or even the Justice League! They all expected him to be something different. The team expected him to always be the naive little kid who was always happy. Black Canary expected him to be the best at everything because he was trained by Batman, but she knew that he would still make mistakes, which she could help him with. Batman expected him to be… perfect. Batman _needed_ him to be perfect. If he wasn't, well, no more Robin. The Justice League expected him to become Batman. Batman was Batman. Robin was Robin. It was that simple. Robin couldn't _be_ Batman. He couldn't be the person to kill off his friends to safe innocents. He couldn't.**  
>(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)<br>Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
>(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)<br>**He was stuck. He was being washed away piece by piece. He was being changed from himself. He was being cornered into being a more Batman-like person. He hated it. Batman hated him. Everything Robin did was a mistake. It was always "No, do it again. No, do it again. No, do it again." He wondered if maybe he wasn't making mistakes, but if _he_ was the mistake. Maybe Batman wished he had never adopted him. Maybe he was adopted for the social image. That would explain why it had taken a year and a half before he was adopted.**(I don't think that was the time frame, but for the sake of the story, please just go with it)****  
>I've become so numb, I can't feel you there<br>Become so tired, so much more aware  
>I'm becoming this, all I want to do<br>Is be more like me and be less like you  
><strong>"numb." One of the first English words he learned. He learned it because it had been how he had felt. Now the numbness was coming back. He couldn't feel anything, not even the red marks on his arms. Even when he had made them, he had felt no pain. That wasn't natural. Gotham had changed him. He became more tired and jaded, but also more aware of the world's evils. Gotham was… well… Diana had been to the Underworld before, but she always said Gotham was worse; much worse. Robin knew better though. After his parents died, he had been thrown into the Gotham Juvenile Detention Center. He was six years old, small for his age, and no one understood him. He tried every language he knew starting with French, Romani, Mandarin, Hungarian, Japanese, Russian, Thai, Hindu, Ukrainian, Turkish, Arabic, Dutch, Danish, Hungarian, German, Hebrew, Irish, Italian, Korean, Portuguese, Vietnamese, and even Swahili! They didn't understand so the guards even helped the inmates (some of which were waiting for Death Row) beat him up! He knew that Gotham was hurting him, turning him darker, but he didn't care. It scared him. He was changing so quickly into Batman.**  
>Can't you see that you're smothering me,<br>Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control?  
>'Cause everything that you thought I would be<br>Has fallen apart right in front of you.**

Batman was stifling him. He was too afraid to lose control of his sidekick. Robin knew all of this, but he knew he wouldn't, no, _couldn't_ be what he was expected to be. Robin pressed the blade farther into his arm. Seeing the red, but not feeling any pain, just proved his previous thoughts. Truthfully, he wanted to see Batman's face when he showed him what his little Robin had become: a shadow. Not the assassin type, but the literal thing. A pure absence of color, of life, of vibrancy! Robin had run out of life. He knew what Batman wanted him to be would fall apart in front of him.

**And every second I waste is more than I can take.  
>And I know<br>I may end up failing too.  
>But I know<br>You were just like me with someone disappointed in you.  
><strong>Every second burned. He kept it inside, but it burned him so bad. The agony was becoming unbearable. He knew one day that he would fail. He would fall. His wings would be cut and he would die. He also knew though, that one day Batman would fail. He knew that Batman had someone disappointed in him, but that just made them even more alike. They had someone disappointed in them, but there was main difference: Batman didn't react, but Robin would.

Dick Grayson

Bell 3

11-14-11

Project: Use one word to describe yourself then define it.

**Numb**  
>the feeling of pure emptiness. Feeling nothing. Being alone. <em><span>Having no one.<span>_

**The end part was a school writing assignment done by Robin. Hope you liked it! I'm thinking of doing a series for Artemis too. What do you guys think?**


	3. This is war

**I do not own anything! I hope you like it!**

_**A warning to the people  
>The good and the evil<br>This is war  
>To the soldier, the civillian<br>The martyr, the victim  
>This is war<strong>_

__Robin looked on seeing half the buildings in Gotham burning. The League was off planet leaving Young Justice to look after Earth. They couldn't have expected _this_. Robin looked at the team, who in turn, looked at the burning city in horror. Once he could tear his eyes away from them, he looked at the city. "What are we waiting here for? We have to go, we have to save them! We-"

"Kid Flash! The city has been burning for too long. Everyone that can be saved has been. Everyone else… We can't save everyone." Robin said looking away at his last words.

"How can you say that! We have to try!" KF said looking at his best friend in disgust.

"Those that are in the buildings are dead. We are soldiers, KF, we can't save every civilian, every martyr, every victim." Robin said looking out at his city once again.

"Robin, what is this?" M'gann asked sounding terrified and horrified.

"This is war M'gann. Not the first I've been in, and not the last. This is war Megan, this is war." Robin said sounding wearied.

_**It's the moment of truth and the moment to lie  
>The moment to live and the moment to die<br>The moment to fight, the moment to fight, to fight, to fight, to fight**_

"Guys, this isn't the first time Gotham has been through war. I've been through its most recent wars. _True. _"I didn't get hurt last time" _Lie. "_I won't let you get hurt this time" _He'd do anything in his power._ Robin remembered fighting so that others could live. He remembered Ra's AlGhul torturing him to death again and again during the war, but each time, throwing him into the Lazarus Pit to kill him again. "Now's not the time to do anything stupid or reckless. Now is the time to fight. Fight against the gangs who started this. Fight against the gangs that will kill."_****_

_**To the right, to the left  
>We will fight to the death<br>To the Edge of the Earth  
>It's a brave new world from the last to the first<br>**_

No matter which way he looked off the building, there was smoke. He hated that his friends had to see this. "Look, when we signed up for this we said we would fight to the death to save every edge of the Earth from death. A lot of Gotham might be destroyed, but the last of Gotham will give birth to a brave new Gotham."_****_

_**A warning to the prophet, the liar, the honest  
>This is war<br>To the leader, the pariah, the victim, the messiah  
>This is war<br>**_

"Why would someone ever want to do this?" Megan asked wiping tears from her eyes.

Robin looked at her pityingly. "It's whatever being, Fate or God or whatever rules our lives, warning us. We are inferior and Gotham constantly forgets." _Conner was the prophet. He was the sign of how much change was needed of how much someone's hero __**(Superman for those who didn't catch it)**__ can let you down. Artemis, the liar, acting like she had always been good. The honest, Megan, always being open. The leader, Kaldur, true, just, and clear headed. The victim, all those who died tonight. Wally, the messiah, helping and wanting to help everyone. The pariah, me, the one who has been through this before._

_**I do believe in the light  
>Raise your hands up to the sky<br>The fight is done  
>The war is won<br>Lift your hands**_

"One day, things may change. Gotham might not be the crime capital of the world. Good can win the war, but what no one realizes is that every one of Earth's "wars" are just battles in the real war: good vs evil. Even though there is no real way to decide what is good and evil, the good will triumph and on that day people will rejoice and raise their hands. Until then, Gotham, once all the repairs are done, will be happy that the war is won and the fight is done._****_

_**I believe in nothing  
>Not the end and not the start<br>I believe in nothing  
>Not the earth and not the stars<br>I believe in nothing  
>Not the day and not the dark<br>I believe in nothing**_

_**But the beating of our hearts**_

"Robin, what do you believe in? Fate, God?" KF asked.

"Nothing. I don't believe that there was a start or will be an end to evil. I don't believe that Earth will change or that the stars will light the way. I don't believe in the misleading light of day, or the harsh dark of night. I believe that nothing influences us unless we allow it to."_****_

_**I believe in nothing  
>One hundred suns until we part<br>I believe in nothing  
>Not in peace and not in war<br>I believe in nothing  
>But the truth of who we are<strong>_

"I believe in nothing." Robin repeated looking out at his city. "I don't believe that the teams, Justice League, Young Justice, none of them will last forever. They will break. There won't ever be peace, but there won't be total war. I don't believe in anything, but that we are who we are: heroes." Robin jumped off the roof and they heard the grappling gun being shot as Robin swung away toward the Batsignal which had illuminated the night.

Kaldur looked on and realized that it had begun to rain. Like Robin had said, Gotham would recover and life would continue in the endless cycle. Kaldur had felt a new respect for his friend that night.

Kid Flash looked at Robin with pity and sorrow. He realized that even though the team treated him like a kid and even though he was the youngest, Robin was really older than all of them.

Superboy looked at him with reluctant realizing that Robin wasn't as innocent as he was treated. He doubted even Batman knew how little innocence Robin had, based on what he had shown that night.

Megan looked on with mourning. She mourned the death of the child that he could've been if he hadn't been Robin. She mourned his lost innocence.

Artemis looked on with reluctant understanding. She realized he had grown up much too early and much too quickly. Her respect for him had grown. He knew, much longer before she had, that Gotham could and would survive. Gotham was like a cockroach, nothing could kill it.

The team looked at the bat signal, which soon turned off, and they realized, everything Robin had said was right. The world would continue. They couldn't save everyone, and the cycle of good and evil would continue, but they would be ready to fight it every time.

**Done. I hope you like it. Please review!**


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